Start the day with pleasure
Peek into process: morning routine
Dear beloved readers,
As I shared in my last post, I may have more to write these days as I slowly unwind from the semester’s intensive teaching and tend to the many things that have been alive that I yearn to explore in words with you. One of the ideas I have been thinking about are “peeks into process,” inspired by a friend’s inquiry about how I organize my research for writing (post on that forthcoming - and shout out to Jennifer for the inspiration! :)
Today I would like to give you a peek into perhaps my most important, vital, essential process: my morning routine, which is really the foundation of my day and everything I do. In my last post I also shared that one of my recent new moon and Mars cazimi intentions, aligned with cultivating spaciousness in my life (in part, spaciousness for writing; in part, spaciousness for more space), was to reclaim some of my morning time. Here is a little glimpse into that process.
World events right now are absolutely harrowing. And we need to be aware. We must bear witness and not look away. A humanitarian pause in Gaza is a start, but there must be a permanent ceasefire and a path to justice and peace, and we must keep our attention there and keep pressure on. We must not look away. We need to find our humanity.
Speaking with a friend last week, she mentioned how most people she knows are either totally absorbed in the news or completely disconnected from it, caring so deeply they are losing sleep, or not caring at all and looking away. “There is no one in the middle,” she said.
How can we find a way towards balance, of being aware but not being overwhelemed to the point of being frozen and unable to act or function?
This is what the Gesturing Towards Decolonial Futures Collective calls building stamina, a deeply needed capacity for these times. We have to build stamina for the precarious times we are living in, to face these struggles with courage and humility.
For me, my morning routine helps me build stamina. It helps me start the day with groundedness, and I hope, allows me to face the world without shutting down and without burning out.
For many years, I have had a disciplined practice of waking up, writing down my dreams, and meditating. The routine generally looks like:
Wake up between 4 and 5am (these days, the dog likes to wake me up at 4:15).
Start coffee (also clean up dog pee all to frequently).
Write down dreams (while drinking coffee).
Meditate.
Write
(If there is time and Daphne is still sleeping - usually freewriting in the Julia Cameron style of morning pages, followed by more focused thematic writing if time allows. When I am in my best creative flow, it is when I am doing morning pages regularly. But most days, Daphne is my ending meditation bell :).
Since becoming a mother five and a half years ago, this practice sometimes looks different depending on when Daphne wakes up. But on the whole, I love (as in, I actually enjoy and prefer) waking up between 4 and 5am, making coffee, writing down my dreams while drinking my first cup of coffee, and meditating. I don’t wake up early because I have to (though I do have to if I want this time). I wake up because I love to, and because I usually go to bed early, my body is ready to wake up at this time. And also because, as a mother, if I want some solo time, it has to be in the wee or late hours, and I am much more of a wee hours person. I love waking up in the dark, catching the last glimpses of the stars, and watching the light slowly shift.
I am a morning person, through and through.
I used to always write my dreams down by hand. After Daphne was born, I didn’t always have free hands when I first woke up, so I took to writing my dreams down in a notes file on my phone. Over time I began to enjoy this practice. While I like writing by hand in general, writing my dreams on my phone has become my habit, and has its own benefits (like being able to search for words and seeing how often they come up, noticing patterns and recurrances, or to easily return to a dream).
Then I continue enjoying my coffee before I meditate. However, between steps 3 & 4, I sometimes get distracted. There is some time between writing down the dreams and when the coffee is done before meditating, and since I am writing my dreams down in the phone, this has leant itself to checking and responding to messages, scrolling social media, which these days, is definitely doom scrolling.
Last week, while reflecting on the new moon and Mars cazimi (both of which were happening in Scorpio which is my 3rd house of daily habits, routines, and rituals), I realized I wanted to reclaim that space between dreams and meditation, to just enjoy my coffee and the darkness of the pre-dawn morning, the world slowly waking up.
But then I realized I had been thinking about it all wrong. Or had at least been missing something.
I was thinking about what I was taking away, what I was stopping, rather than what I was adding, what else became possible in that space.
Last week, as I was listening to podcasts while doing Sunday morning chores (a favorite Sunday routine), I was listening to one of my favorites, How to Survive the End of the World. On this episode, which I highly recommmend listening to in its entirety, adrienne maree brown was speaking with Adela Nieves Martinez.
At one point adrienne says,
I really feel like I wish most of the work was done in a post-pleasure way…if people were like, “Let me wake up and really start my day off with something that brings me pleasure…”
Start the day with pleasure.
Drinking coffee, writing down dreams, meditating and writing all bring me great pleasure.
I realized with my own process, I had just been thinking of what I was taking away from my morning, and not what becomes possible when I make space for other things (or make space for just space itself).
How can this space be full of pleasure, whether that is the pleasure of reading something I choose intentionally in a more focused way, or sitting on the balcony and listening to birdsong, watching the world slowly wake up?
What might the world look like if we all started our days with pleasure?
I am a fairly disciplined person (Virgo rising :), and when I commit to a practice, and it is generative for me, I am generally pretty good at following through with it consistently. I have been a vegetarian since I was 15. I have been meditating daily (more or less) since I was 27. I have been writing down my dreams since I can remember. But sometimes the discipline can veer away from joy towards rote practice, which is why it is important to occasionally check in about it and see if something in my discipline or practice needs to shift or evolve.
Pre-motherhood, I was disciplined about not checking my phone until after my dog’s walk (which was after meditation). Motherhood changes everything, including (perhaps especially) morning routines. Five and a half years later, with a child who sleeps relatively well most of the time, I can re-evaluate what in my routine is working for me, and what needs shifting. As life conditions change, as we change, we need to re-evaluate our routines and practices and see what is working for us (and what is not), what is supporting us (and what may no longer be).
Sometimes things shift slowly, without us seeing, a subtle shift beneath our feet. The phone, started out by filling the need of being able to write down my dreams while holding a baby, slowly creeping into the morning routine until suddenly, realizing it has taken up a whole lot of space.
As Dr. Mama - a full-time working solo parent - there is not a lot of extra space in my life that is not accounted for in work or mothering. There are moments, sometimes. Occasionally. But one of the moments I have most consistently is this morning time. It is my aspiration and intention to make the most of it - not in a capitalist productive way, but in the sense of, “How can I begin my day with as much groundedness, spaciousness, joy, pleasure, and centeredness as possible?”
The news or social media do not contribute to this. And the news will be there later. After breakfast. In some ways, it is a privilege to look away - but I am not proposing a total look away here. I am proposing a delay. A fresh start. And actually, an ability to take in the news of the day with more groundedness, clarity, to bear witness, and to take action where needed.
My morning routine helps me prepare for the day. It helps me prepare for my life. It helps me to be grounded and more spacious, which affects everything I do (and how I do everything).
This routine isn’t for everyone. You have to find what works for you. Part of figuring that out is honoring your own rhythms. If you are not a morning person, this routine might really not be for you. But perhaps there is a bedtime routine that could be equally nourishing. Honoring our own natural rhythms and cycles can be part of starting or ending (or both!) the day with pleasure, joy, groundedness, and intention.
What are the key elements of your morning routine? What is serving you, and what might you shift to bring more groundedness, centeredness, joy, and pleasure into your life?
Over the course of the next few weeks, I will be sharing parts of my end-of-year reflection process with paid subscribers. I am really excited about this, as it is a process that brings me a lot of nourishment and joy as the year winds down. If you would like to receive these updates, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription!
With love and care,
Stephanie
